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|2nd June 2011 - Revealed - Britain's most inept football tipster|
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Revealed - Britain's most inept football tipster
2nd June 2011
Good afternoon, friends,
In this issue of Punters' Verdict....
Britain's most inept football tipster?
Can somebody - anybody - explain to me exactly what it is that
qualifies celebrity airhead and fevered ego, Piers Morgan, to be
writing a flagship football column in the Daily Mail?
Week on week readers of that particular rag are treated to his inner
thoughts on all aspects of and happenings within the beautiful game
- but nobody of my acquaintance can work out WHY...
It certainly isn't because of his skills as a tipster... Just take a
look at the punting forecasts he treated his readers to at the start
of the 2010/2011 football season...
'Manchester United will miss a top-four position for the first time
in decades...' WRONG. They ended up Champions for the 19th time....
Title winners? Morgan opts for Chelsea. 'They have the biggest and
best squad...' WRONG. Chelsea ended up potless at the end of a
frustrating season during which large parts of the squad badly
Turning his penetrating gaze onto Liverpool, the disgraced former
Fleet Street editor assures his readership that 'Liverpool will have
a very good season under Roy Hodgson...' WRONG again, son. Liverpool
did no such thing. Quite the opposite in fact. Looking desperately
like relegation candidates at one particular low point the club
eventually decided to arrest the unprecedented slump by putting a
bullet in Hodgson and turning for redemption to King of the Kop,
On and on the wrong-headed calls went... Arsenal will win a trophy
under the able stewardship of Arsene Wenger... WRONG... Jose
Mourhino's Real Madrid are all set to win the Champions League...
WRONG.... Fabio Capello will be relieved of his National team duties
prior to last month... WRONG... Mick McCarthy will be sacked as
manager of Wolverhampton Wanderers.... WRONG.... Any chance of
getting one off the square, Piers?
Some people will accuse me of being nasty or harsh... 'Come on,
Judge. Give the poor guy a break... He's not a pro punter... He's
not a top tipster... He probably doesn't even know what he's talking
And that's exactly my point...
Morgan isn't a pro... he's not a top tipster (judging by the
selections outlined above he doesn't even make the ranks of the
mediocre tipsters)... So why is he metaphorically wheeled out by the
Mail to offer his abysmal picks in the football markets when there
are so many better-qualified judges out there who are eminently
capable of doing a more effective job?
I'm thinking here of guys like MR X.
Okay, Mr X doesn't host chat shows probing the private lives of
publicity hungry 'stars'.... He doesn't sit on the judging panels of
tacky talent shows on ITV... and he isn't pictured rolling out of
'celeb' parties craning his neck to get 'in shot'...
...but where bet-picking and punting are concerned he gets the job
done and gets the points on the board. And that's what the sports-
betting fraternity are really looking for. Take a look for yourself here....
Memo to Fleet Street editors: please take note of what the pinters
really want when planning next season's 'sports-betting' output....
The gypsies are in the know....
Some people use the form book to root out the Derby winner. Other
people - racing analysts like Nick Pullen - prefer to focus on what
the stats reveal....
But for many years plenty of less rational punters have preferred to
bet their hard-earned money on what the gypsies predict.
Gypsy tradition has it that the name of the Derby winner
mysteriously appears, handwritten in chalk, on a well outside the
Amato public house in Epsom on the Sunday before the race. The
prediction has proved profitable to follow - nailing the winner
quite a few times over the last few years...
I made a nuisance of myself this morning and called the pub to find
out what is written this year. According to the gypsies this year's
Derby will be won by the Queen's horse - Carlton House.
Nobody can accuse the gypsies of going for the value pick... but who
can blame them? Getting back to being rational for a moment.... all
of the last 10 Derby winners came from the 1st 4 in the betting and
all of the last 10 winners were sent off by the market at odds of
6/1 or less....you have been warned....
The world of sports betting has its own language... its own idioms
and vernacular... its own jargon... its own way of speaking...
Getting fluent in the language of punting is not just about having
bit of fun and passing yourself off as a bit of a wide boy. There's
a serious aspect to it as well. Fluency in the language of punting
can aid understanding... it can help you make sure you're understood
when you need to be... and it will make sure you're fully clued up
and savvy as to what's going on around you....in the Tattersall's...
in the betting shop... or just down your local...
In this new and regular addendum to Punters' Verdict I will seek to
demystify the punting lexicon once and for all.... Starting with
this week's phrase under the spotlight...
'UNDER THE ARM' - hopefully this is one bit of punting terminology
you'll never hear applied to your good self. I've heard it employed
once or twice on racecourses where a pitch bookie has used it to
warn a compatriot in the ring not to accept bets from a specific punter.
Example: 'Leave him alone. He's under the arm.' Definition: Not to
It's a phrase that could well be applied to the football picks of
one Piers Morgan... but now I really am being cruel. Enough. It's
time to adjourn.
I'll be back with the Verdict next week.